Visual Essay : Sketchbook Work

Thinking back to a previous project about vaginismus, I thought that I could progress and develop my ideas from it to create a project around similar themes. I could produce a visual essay on this topic by talking to people about their experiences, sketching them and developing those into something like a book or zine. I do think that there are more areas to cover within this topic that I personally would like to learn about and explore those through this project.

Vaginismus is an automatic reaction to any kind of penetration or touch where the vaginal muscles tighten up, making things like using a tampon or penetrative sex very painful or impossible.

I think that a good way to find out about this condition and reach out to people who have experienced it is support and information groups. I researched into places that I could possibly visit in person but I found that a lot of therapy and support goes on 1-on-1 and that it wouldn't be available to sit in on as its a very personal subject. That is why I turned to online support groups and pages which are much more accessible and I think I can get a much broader view and more opinions to get research around the subject.

The Vaginismus Network is an account I came across before on Instagram which hosts a lot of information and advice for people with the condition. I reached out to them and asked if they could repost my post asking to chat to people and they agreed. I had a lot of responses and conversations with people and these are some of the things we discussed:

What's been a good experience you've had with e.g. a partner whilst having vaginismus?
What were your thoughts / attitude towards your sex life after you found out about vaginismus?
Do you have advice to someone who’s involved with someone who has vaginismus on what they can do to help and support them?

I also asked for some questions to be passed onto their partner/s if they have one:

What were your first thoughts when your partner told you about vaginismus?
Do you feel like you have a better understanding of the condition now and what has helped you to do so if your answer is yes.
How do you think people in your situation could help people with vaginismus?

These were some of the answers I got from one person on Instagram, I did quite like the look of the screen with the speech bubbles and I thought that could be an interesting way to represent our conversations. I think that this layout could be incorporated into my work.

After some research online, I found some articles around the topic of vaginismus and dating and seeing as they had some interesting insights, I thought that they would be good to be able to quote within my zine.

https://www.healthline.com/health/dating-with-vaginismus#Being-in-a-relationship-after-my-vaginismus-disappeared-

https://www.indiependent.co.uk/navigating-a-long-term-relationship-with-vaginismus/

https://thefemedic.com/first-person/treating-vaginismus/

https://medium.com/the-establishment/a-conversation-with-my-partner-about-my-vaginismus-86f4d2cfa388

From the photos that I was sent from the people that I chatted to, I did different sketches and experiments with how I want them to look in the book as I had in mind a simplified style to represent these people as some said they'd rather it wasn't very recognisable as them. So I think I'll bring out their features but make them look a bit more generalised.

This can be a very personal subject so some people that I chatted with wanted to remain anonymous in what they talked about with me. Some people disclosed their names, initials, ages, pronouns and photos for me to draw from, only submitting what they were comfortable with. With this in mind, I still wanted to be able to illustrate these anonymous people so they have a space in my work. I think that by illustrating anonymity, it gives focus to the fact that its something that people do deal with privately and often not disclosing information about it.

For a page in my zine, or maybe even the cover, I thought I could take one my previous sketches of broken pottery and develop that. I think I'd like to do this in clay and paint it so I can photograph it and use that in my work. I've heard the phrase 'broken vagina' used to describe how people feel who have vaginismus and I'd like to be able to make that depiction and thought process in to a physical piece of art, maybe turn it into something more positive and representative to look at. I chose pottery or vases to include in this design because they are delicate and can be broken but also be put back together and healed.

I first experimented with different backgrounds and lighting until I came up with the concepts of the sculpture on the right hand side. My original plan as to smash it up but it didn't dry up enough in time so instead I used a scalpel to carve it up so it would look as if it had cracked. I like the highly saturated look of the images because at first, I thought that the paint work was too realistic looking and I wanted something more vivid and in block colouring like my illustration work.

I had the thought to create my own font for my zine. I think this will give it a much more organic and original look and not too static like a standard font might. Using Calligraphr, I printed out and handwrote my font so it would just look like my handwriting when typed out onto my pages. I'd like to try it out on some of my pages as I may want to change or tweak it so that it fits well.

I tested out the font on this page and I feel like it wasn't very impactful so I created a new one which is much bolder and stands out against the background.

I wanted to pose a couple questions to the reader when they view the zine. I think that this would help discussion around the topics and encourage conversation between partners on how they can progress and live alongside this condition. Alongside illustrations, I want them to be informative and thought provoking.

Looking back at my previous research into articles about vaginismus and relationships, the quotes that I found in them were quite thought inciteful so I thought they were a good idea to include, alongside some illustrations.

Using my speech bubble idea from earlier, I wanted to include that in the pages with the conversations on them. I like that it shows that this is a conversation that needs to be had and isn't just lots of text and information.